And The Award For The Worst Chapter Names Goes To…REHAM KHAN!

Everyone who uses Twitter in Pakistan must already be aware about how Reham Khan and Hamza Ali Abbasi pointlessly cleaned their dirty laundry in public.

The two unstable elements spent the weekend publishing each other’s e-mails on Twitter, with Reham claiming that she was being mortally threatened by Hamza.

Quite frankly, had they been an estranged couple, one would have tried to make sense of the bitter exchange. Given that whatever relationship that they had in the past was platonic and their public spat is a product of the pre-polls madness, one genuinely wishes that these public figures would understand and internalize what it entails to be a “grown-up.”

Read: Imran Khan Dipped Pizza In Chai And Twitter Can’t Keep It Together

With all the ugliness that has come out of this undesired brawl, there is however, at least one item that has left most of Pakistan amused.

Yes! We’re talking about the leaked excerpts from the manuscript of Reham Khan’s book.

Going by what Hamza Ali Abbasi shared, the yet-to-be-published book roughly spans over 600 pages and thirty-two chapters, including the “Prologue.”
One can’t deny that some of the chapter names are enough to spike our curiosity. I mean, “Girls, Boys, Sex, Drugs…and Rock n’ Roll,” and “The Cocaine and the Heroine,” are certainly chapters that I would like to read because well, they reek of intense gossip and who am I to say no to a little tittle-tattle?

Read: Twitter Goes Crazy Following The News Of Imran Khan’s 3rd Marriage!

However, from a more literary perspective I dearly hope that these are just tentative titles and the final product will have better defined chapters.

Fundamentally, my problems with the chapter names can be classified into these three categories:

There’s Too Much Self-Love

Take the example of, “A Star is Born’ for instance. Now don’t get me wrong, I too, cringe during moments I find myself agreeing with Hamza Ali Abbasi, but you have to give the devil his due! I’m so sorry but the dude’s right! What sort of person names a chapter in her biography as, “A Star was Born,” referring to her own self?! Narcissism much? TOO MUCH I would say!

Too Many Chapters About Too Many Insignificant Events

Then there is a long list of chapters that sound like notes scribbled on post-it. “1991 First Proposal,” “Feb 2006,” “JC July 2015” and the list goes on and on.

My primary problem here is that there are too many chapters that seem to be talking in continuation about same or similar phases in Reham’s life. To give an example, “1991 First Proposal,” “First Marriage 92” and “The Honeymoon 93-4” should perhaps have been part of one, instead of three separate chapters!

Tell me if I’m wrong! TELL ME!

Chapters with Endless Names

“While the Chairman of PTI  Did Nothing, The Information Secretary of the Party, Shireen Mazari, Tweeted Against the Chairman’s Wife, Yet Still, No One Batted an Eyelid.”

No this is not an excerpt from the book, this is actually the name of a chapter!

Read: Maryam Nawaz Starts a Twitter Feud With Imran Khan Over The “My Name Is Khan” Tweet

I mean whatever happened to compact chapter titles? If it were left to me, I’d probably just call this particular chapter, “When Shireen Mazari Bitch-slapped Me,’ or simply, “Mazari’s Bitchy Tweets.”

See! Compact and comprehensive!

So, Ms. Khan, are these actually the chapter names or was Abbasi just pulling your leg? Tell us – oh puh-leez tell us fair lady for the mystery is killing us!